Postnatal depression #my story

I heard so many things about postnatal depression before I got pregnant and it was just so surreal for me. Seriously? Postnatal depression? That can’t happen to me, I am too strong for that. Just to think about that was ridiculous. How can you be depressed when you just got such a precious gift in your life. Well yes, it can happen and it certainly did in my case.

First few weeks after birth everything was amazing. Michelle was definitely giving me all the power to just blossom. I felt like I was at the top of the mountain and the whole world is mine. Not long after my energy level was just going rapidly down. I wasn’t too concerned because I thought it’s normal. Lack of sleep, new responsibilities and my body still healing from labour should have a different affect on my mind. I was trying to convince myself that this is just normal. Some days were very good and I was holding on for the good moments.

I remember waking up one day and my body was floppy like it wasn’t mine. I felt so tired and my mind didn’t work properly. I tried to find the energy to keep Michelle happy and do things around the house but my head was just so heavy. My thoughts were going only on the dark side. I didn’t take care of myself, my hair was messy, I would stay all day in the same clothes and sometimes cry for no good reason. The way I was thinking affected my relationship because I just couldn’t keep up with positive state of mind. Usually I was the one that always thought about the bright side. I finally started to realise that this might be the postnatal depression everyone was talking about. I definitely was not ok.

How am I going to deal with this? Is my life really going to be so depressed from now on? The fact that I made the first step of admitting to myself that this is depression, was actually a very good progress. I finally knew what’s happening with me. Honestly it feels like a dark demon moved into your house and you can’t get rid of him. Every day that I felt good was like “yes I kicked this demon out”, and the next day he was back again. Like an endless circle that you can’t escape. It is a very complicated process and I had to work really hard to start getting better.

It’s almost eight months now since I gave birth and I still have days when I feel depressed. I didn’t try to get any medical support but I did tell my husband about my feelings. The conversation really helps when it comes to postnatal depression. Probably the most important thing is to get all the emotions out. If you are keeping them inside they just start to level up and it gets even worse. Depression is not something we should be ashamed of. It can happen to anyone, so don’t be afraid to speak about it.

How to maintain your relationship in a good shape

Talk, talk, talk and talk again. And when you think you have explained everything to each other, talk some more and make sure you really understand your man. Communication is the key to a successful relationship. Unfortunately, nowadays people don’t have time to talk enough and that’s the main reason why couples lose their connection. And when you lose that bond with your partner, it’s really hard to get it back on track again.

Communication is not the only important thing in a relationship. You have to also trust your partner to make the love grow in the right direction. Building that is a very complicated process which can collapse many times through the years, but only the strongest survive those falls. Women are usually emotionally more stable than men even though it doesn’t seem always like that. If a woman is emotionally very stable then there is a big chance that the relationship will be successful. We know how to guide men in the right direction with a gentle and firm hand at the same time. This can be very tricky but if you know your man you know exactly what to do.

I have been reading a lot lately about compromises and the fact that you can’t change your partner. “Yes you can”, and I have a living proof at home. People can change, and not in direction just to make compromises. But of course only with lots of conversation and emotional balance. Life is not spinning only around you. For a relationship and family you have to sacrifice a bit of yourself and your own needs to make it an amazing experience. Everything needs to be balanced and both partners need to do the same thing to start travelling towards success.

I have mentioned some extremely important things but left sexuality for the last part. Probably the majority of people will say that sex is most likely number one when it comes to the scale of importance. Yes, I agree with that and I am the first one to say, “women please be daring in the bedroom… “. But don’t forget as well about just sharing love on a daily basis, saying I love you or maybe just a random hug and kiss. That is a part of sexuality as well and it can affect partner in a very different way. A few loving words or a touch can sometimes feel even better than sex because you know that your love is thinking about you and cares about you. So I think people forget about these small things that can lead with years into emotional emptiness.

Relationships are hard work but a good one can be priceless and worth of every effort you put into it. Try to understand your partner and stop knocking on the door with, “hey I know everything” kind of attitude. They say for a reason that women and men come from a different planet. Don’t give up on the relationship with the first problem that comes by. Remember that there is no one without problems and it can only make your connection stronger if you manage to solve it. Make it simple, complications can destroy everything and enjoy every moment which will never come back. Life is too short. And finally, simply love each other.

Don’t let other people create your life #my story

The world is very cruel and I have experienced that on my skin. Till my thirtieth birthday I let other people create my life. I lived in a small city, everybody knew me and I had to always wear a certain image to represent myself. And definitely I was not happy about that. Lots of my talents were left hidden because I was constantly asking myself in what kind of way will people judge me. Maybe that was just my fear but the feeling was definitely blocking my development as a successful and strong woman.

My teenage years were filled with lots of amazing moments and some disappointments as well. I have managed to create an image of a respectful woman who always knows how to talk and act in different situations but I still had that fear in my mind of doing something that will not be appropriate for other people. Honestly it doesn’t take much to destroy that kind of reputation. And with all the experiences I had the worst thing was the acknowledgement that I started to lose my self confidence. I got lots of comments behind my back which sometimes really hurt my heart.

After moving to England I decided to change my life and to finally heal my soul from all the judgements. Change of environment was the best decision I have ever made. My stress level dropped dramatically because I knew that nobody really knows me here and I can start to express myself in a way that I want. Yes, many people would say I am sensitive but I got back my strength that I lost in my teenage years. I concentrate only on myself and my loved ones, other things are just not important for me anymore. Writing a blog has become a good way of releasing all the emotions that were kept inside me and at the same time doing what I love to do.

My dad always said to me “life is a game, enjoy it” and I always tried to apply that into my life but it took me a while to get there. Now I fully understand what he was trying to tell me. I think all the people should enjoy life, be who they are and do things they really want to do. And the most important thing be kind to each other.

Being a mother #Michelle

When you are thinking about having a baby you always think just about the best moments. It will be so wonderful to breastfeed and play with a child and all the bonding, love and happiness we will experience as a family. All that is definitely amazing but there are things as well that are not very easy for a new parents.

I was breastfeeding at the beginning and was so determined that my baby will be exclusively breastfed for six months or even more. I really wanted all the best for her but reality was different. My milk supply was not good so I struggled for the first two weeks with pumping every day and night. Sometimes I was sitting in the bathroom for hours try to get some milk and at the same time not to wake up anyone. My nipples were bleeding and couldn’t recover from one feed till the next one. After two weeks a nurse tried to help me and we realised that our baby girl has a tongue tie and she can’t latch normally. At that moment I gave up and started to feed her with the bottle and it was such a relief for us.

From that point onward things were getting better. She was happy, her sleeping habits started to get more regular at least we thought so and she was feeding easier. But finding a very good formula for her was a challenge. We tried so many of them and it seemed like we will never find the right one. She developed a big rash on the back of her neck which was a big issue and now we know that was connected with the milk. But at that time we were still trying to find a solution, going to the doctor and they had no clue what was going on. I had to put the socks on her hands to prevent the scratching and bleeding.

She had days when she was sleeping almost all night and then other ones when she didn’t sleep at all. Sometimes I was holding her all night and falling asleep with her in my arms. I am sure all parents have to deal with this but I have to admit it was a big challenge for us because we didn’t have anyone near to help us sometimes. But of course things got better with time, we established the routine and having a child became a real joy. She started to smile and responding with different sounds. Her curiosity for everything around was amazing and the long walks with her were always the best medication for all the stress.

Michelle is now six months old and when I look back at all the sleepless nights and other issues I smile. I am happy that our girl is healthy and developing as a normal baby. Being a mother is a very hard job but at the same time an amazing experience with lots of love, happiness and funny moments.

Being a mother #labour

I had my routine check up at 40 weeks and the midwife was a little bit concerned about her heart beat. It was not regular so she quickly sent me to the hospital. Doctors decided the best thing to do is to start the labour because the baby was ready to come. They started the induction and explained to us that probably it will take a day or even two until the real labour starts and of course another day before she arrives.

Everything started the next day and I was transferred to the labour ward at around four o’clock in the afternoon. The pain started to kick in and it was getting really intense with every contraction. Doctors and nurses didn’t expect anything major to happen that day. I have a very high level of pain tolerance but I remember that the pain was excruciating and by the time I tried to get the epidural it was time already to push. My nurse was in shock because everything happened in three and a half hours. I felt that my baby is on the way but no one was prepared. Nurses were running in and out and tried to get ready for her arrival. Michelle was born at eight o’clock in the afternoon and she was a special gift for my husbands birthday.

Finally the day to become a mother came for me. The first night at the hospital I was just observing my baby, wondering what do I have to do, is she warm enough, do I have to feed her already,… I really didn’t know what to do. Haven’t been sleeping much because my mind was like a roller-coaster, my life just changed completely. Watching my little baby girl was amazing and at the same time kind of scary thinking about the fact that the care free girl just became a mother. Next day we went home and our journey as a family began.

Being a mother #intro

Every girl is born with a gift to become a mother. I gave birth to a baby girl six months ago and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When you see your child for the first time it feels like the world stopped at that moment. This is the kind of feeling the words can’t describe. Suddenly you become a mother and there is a button waiting for you to switch on. At that moment you have to transform from a care free girl into a very caring and loving mother.

My experience was just amazing. Everything went really smooth trough the whole pregnancy. I moved to England when I was three months pregnant and it didn’t affect me much. My routine was still the same, going for a walk every day and taking care that my body and mind were completely stress free. The bump was slowly growing and I started to realise that the moment when I will see my little princess is getting closer. We started to prepare for our arrival. Shopping all these tiny clothes, shoes, blankets and all the other necessary things was so much fun.

She was a very active baby so my bump was jumping and moving all the time when she was kicking. From my fifth month of pregnancy onward I was watching all the videos about the labour, preparation for the hospital and of course expectations after her arrival. I have to admit I was a little bit nervous because it was my first baby and I had no idea how everything will look like. So we were very impatiently waiting for the day when we will have to jump in the car and rush into the hospital.

That day eventually came and it was nothing similar as our expectations…